Friday, July 14, 2023

The Green Prom Dress



It's been a long time, I know. I've missed you guys! 

Thank you to everyone who left comments and wrote emails to check in with me. It felt good to be in your thoughts. I've been doing okay, just really BUSY - we had a senior graduate from high school this spring! Those of you who've celebrated your own HS seniors will probably get it; I certainly had no idea how much there was to take in and do in the weeks even before graduation.

I'd say it started as far back as January with the last jazz concert of the year. You know how that is - even though the snow was still on the ground and we were nowhere even near the end of the semester, it suddenly hits you that this was the first of the "lasts". And in spite of swearing not to be That Mom, you subconsciously start the countdown anyway, and slap titles on each subsequent deeply poignant experience: The Last Wind Ensemble Concert With This Sister, The Last Time She'll Play In This Orchestra, The Last Time We'll Hear Her Horn In The Pit, The Last Fight Song For Which She'll Conduct The Marching Band, The Last Solo, The Last Note, The Last Whatever and Whoosit and Thingamajig. It was ridiculous - and exhausting.

I know now, of course, that I was trying to comprehend that something massively wonderful was happening. And parsing each of those lasts was how my brain made sense of the emotional weight of the sum of them. Yes, you read that right: my brain did the emotional math. Because my heart couldn't quite handle it, and was instead just a big soft marshmallow cloud of bewilderment. I mean, what a trip, from the thrilling highs of pride and wonder to the simmering lows of relief and gratitude, as if all four years of high school - if not all thirteen since kindergarten - were distilled into the closing months of senior year and shot into one's metaphorical veins. It was hard to catch my breath; it was harder even to stay present and not let my mind race to the future when it would "all be over" and college would be the new normal, whatever that looked like. I tried, though. Remain NOW, I constantly reminded myself. Feel everything. Listen to every note. Go on that car ride. Say yes when the friends want to stay till midnight to chat, and order pizza, even. Buy the tickets to watch the performance for the fourth, fifth, sixth time.  Bring the giant camera to take the good pictures even though the children roll their eyes. Was it all good? Absolutely. Did I believe I was bonkers? Heck, yeah. Did I cry? For months prior, in the shower and car and my therapist's office and at inconveniently random and unrelated moments everywhere else. And yet on graduation day, as I glanced around me at the sea of parents, I saw that same look on so many other faces: the soaring delight, yes, but also the disorientation of inexplicably having arrived at this moment, mixed with the misguided determination to somehow hold it all together. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. Huh.

That is all I will say about my experience of the weeks leading up to graduation. A part of me is still recovering, but in a good way. I'm excited about Uni and independence and all the good things that follow graduation, because my oldest child is ready. Her sisters still have some years left at the high school, so there will be their concerts and football games and swim and dive meets to attend. There is comfort in that continuity as well.

And in the ebb of that emotional wave, I feel able to document and process my favorite moments of the past couple of months. Here, for instance, is Emily's prom dress. Now, because we were also in the throes of planning her grad party, the original plan was to purchase something online and simply have me make any necessary alterations to it. So we bought one . . . and it didn't work. Not a terrible dress per se, just not something one would wear to a formal. We returned it, and found ourselves back at square one, except a couple weeks closer to the deadline than before. 

Handmade, then. This is usually what happens anyway, right? You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

So we went fabric shopping - first online (faster, we thought, but everything would arrive too late), then in-person, but that failed abysmally, too. Because there we were, standing dismayed in the aisles of SR Harris - that ostensibly uber-reliable dressmaking fabric mecca - a week before prom, and with nothing but a fantasy shade of green that didn't seem to exist anywhere in the cosmos.

You know how some people give you a home-made loaf of bread and you're like, "Oh, this is so cool - did you use a bread machine or a brotform in your oven?" And they tell you they baked it on a hot stone out back using the wheat, barley and rye which they'd been growing on their acres of farmland and hand-ground into flour just minutes before adding it to their great-grandmother's ever-effervescent sourdough starter.

You see where this is going, right? See, there was nowhere left but that level of DIY. And isn't it funny how, once you've resolved to do something, no matter how impractical, even the insane begins to look viable?

We bought a yard of the only green-ish lace we could find - it looked like a patch of weed - and randomly dyed it. I say "randomly" because the bottle said "dark green" but there was no way to tell what we'd actually get when we were starting out with the shade we had (and how long do you let the thing sit in the dye anyway?). We gave it our best guess and rationalized it thus: anything would be prettier than wearing a dress of marijuana.    


Then I made the underlayer. This we didn't have to dye, thankfully - it was the only green satin thing any of the stores stocked, so we decided it would have to do. The design was pretty straightforward: a spaghetti-strap bodice connected to a semi-circular skirt with pockets, and a thigh slit. Here is a sad photo of it on Fleur so I could place and pin the lace overlay. I'd forgotten till I was doing this how much lace shifts as you drape it - gravity and the contours of the garment itself made it sag and pull in different ways than if it were lying flat on a work surface. Incidentally and totally unrelated, you might notice my Menagerie animals in the background.  Initially, I'd set them up in my sewing room for inspiration, like a cheering squad for all my unfinished WIPs. This time, though, as they watched me drop pins and curse as I stepped on them, their unblinking gaze seemed judgy instead - all except for maybe that purple dragon, and only because he still doesn't have eyes (they live in the vase in the living room where I'd set them 8 years ago).


Moving on now. More of the layout process next. A multitude of pins. All that lace hand to be stitched on by hand. I listened to a LOT of podcasts that week!


Because we wanted clean lines, the poky ends of the lace were folded over the edge of the main dress and stitched to the backside. And then all the stray cutwork bits had to be trimmed away.


Here is the finished dress on Emily.



Here's the back, her favorite part of the dress. Designing a dress entirely from scratch sometimes means trying to figure out how to best secure it on the body in ways that don't tug or squeeze or otherwise hurt. We brainstormed the usual suspects: halter-style ties at the nape, straps around the back of the shoulders, corset-style lacing all across the back . . . and decided that this bow was probably a whole lot more fun. 



If I remember right, the main dress (plus its accompanying muslin) was finished in a couple of days, although the lacework took the rest of the week. So worth it, though. I so, so love the texture of this dress,



to say nothing of the zany personality of the beautiful girl wearing it (or the fact that I still get to sew her clothes)!!





32 comments:

  1. Sooo beautiful. She will always remember

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  2. Congrats on the graduate and she looked beautiful in her dress!

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  3. Beautiful dress! We went for a simpler store bought dress for Emma’s junior prom but a similar color of green with lacing up the back and a long circular skirt (so thankfully found after too many hours of looking). It even had pockets! I am not the seamstress you are.

    I enjoyed reading your graduating senior parent thoughts. My oldest graduates next June.

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    1. MaryAnne: forgive this late response. This summer has been quite the rollercoaster and I'm only now sitting down to replying to comments. How quickly our oldests have come to this stage in their education and lives. I have wonderful memories of our kids growing up in parallel, even though our families have never met. The blogosphere is weird but sometimes wonderful that way. It feels as if that green prom dress was finished just yesterday and I'm already looking toward homecoming, and two more dresses to make (OR BUY!) I love the sound of Emma's dress - especially the back lacing, which does wonders for adjusting to a perfect fit.

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  4. Oh my goodness how I love you and your posts! Beautiful girl, beautiful dress. Of course it would be made at the very last minute and of course it would turn out stunningly. That’s the best way to create amazing things. Also your emotional state is so relatable. One kid turning 18 this fall and soon going off to university and her own life… how quickly time passes. A cliche but a true one.

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    1. Anonymous: Thank you! After years of last-minute-making, I am beginning to fear that it is the only way I work. And you're right - time is strange and cruel in the way it doesn't slow down for us to savor. We must intentionally do it ourselves, and perhaps it is the choosing that keeps us in the present and feeling everything.

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  5. The dress came out beautiful. I love how you did the lace, and the bow on the back is perfect. Good luck with sending Emily off to university. Mine daughter is just a year ahead of Emily, and it certainly was an emotional whirlwind like you described.

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    1. Anonymous: thank you for standing alongside me! I have learned that I am not bonkers to be feeling so much of everything. High school already feels like a long time ago, at least for Emily.

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  6. One--that dress is AHMAAAAAAAZING. Two--Emily is stunning. Three--Your writing always, always, guts me. Your talent in everything you share with us is incredible.

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    1. Handflapper: thank you for your kind words!

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  7. So great to hear from you. Our oldest grandchild just graduated as well ... and it was no easier the second time around! But Emily!!!! What a beautiful young woman she has become. You all should be proud..well done.

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    1. Sally: Thank you! I loved hearing that sending off a granddaughter is hugely poignant, too. They will always be our babies, I think, no matter how old they are.

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  8. It's a beautiful dress! Congratulations and happy graduation Emily!

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  9. What a beautiful young lady. That dress is gorgeous on her.

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  10. It's always so good to hear from you. What a beautiful dress and a beautiful, amazing graduate! Congratulations all around.

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  11. How did that happen? I understand the dress, because you're a magician ;=) but how did time pass so quickly? Enjoy! Lodi

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    1. Lodi: I don't know. You blink, and almost two decades have gone by. How does one hold so much of life in the rearview mirror, I have no idea. So proud, but my brain is still trying to catch up.

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  12. So amazing. I've followed you since our kids were in first and second grade -- my older graduated from high school last year, and it was an emotional time. Why is it that their style choices for this one night have such portent -- is it because Prom is built up in books, movies and TV as the pinnacle of teen life? Emily's beautiful dress speaks of a full understanding of the magic of your fingertips, as well as the blind trusting faith that mom will be able to pull the perfection she sees in her head out into the world, just as you did her from your own.
    Dear son decided to wear a Barong Tagalog, a translucent shirt with ornate embroidery that is the traditional Filipino formal wear, but I did have to badger him 2 months in advance to make sure we ordered it in time. Could I have made it? perhaps, but it is not my place to butt up against centuries of craftsmanship. Much better for my always-overheating son than 4 layers of suit in the summertime. He was the envy of many that sweltering evening.
    The passage of time is so weird -- they had such an amorphous, non-traditional high school experience because of the Years We Don't Speak Of, but life goes on. It wasn't the activity-filled, always-in-motion school career I had envisioned for him (I didn't get to be Theatre Mom or suffer through Sports Mom), but we cannot live their lives for them.
    The next child(ren) are a new chance (rising 10th grader could not be more different from her brother), but the Oldest carries the mantle of being the first lasts for parents. Sharing good motherhood thoughts for this summer of change and flux, and best of luck for Emily as she takes the first steps into becoming all the wonderful variations of the person she will be.

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    1. Reeni: Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts and your heart. I barely remember my own prom, except that I was awkward and I didn't like being fancy but felt obliged to, and my own mother worked magic and made me a dress and I didn't even have to THINK about it. It just appeared one afternoon when I'd got home from school, hanging on my wardrobe door. And suddenly it's decades later and here I am on the other side of the sewing machine. You're right: we all have faith in our mothers (and grandmothers and aunts and some uncles and dads who sew!)
      I LOVE traditional wear! And I love that your son showcased that aspect of who he is at such a milestone event. I'd always wondered if any of my girls might choose something similar, and I see evidence of that pride and awareness but I think the day has not yet come. I know that I didn't embrace traditional wear myself till I was in my twenties and thirties. It was an empowering decision!
      And yes, those Terrible Years still have repercussions now, and the sad thing is we will not know what could've been had our children not been required to learn resilience the way they have. Each of my kids lost time , and a bit of themselves, but I remember they weren't in a vacuum, and their friends' parallel experiences, even if they don't talk about it much these days, will always help them feel they were not alone.
      Thank you for your well wishes for our family! We feel them, and we will carry them into this new adventure, eyes streaming and hearts pounding and everything. Enjoy the next years with your (not-so-wee) ones, too!

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  13. The dress is so beautiful, and the lace looks fantastic. I love the individual flowers on the skirt.

    Thank you for sharing your experience with your daughter graduating. It spoke to me as I feel my way through adjusting to a new phase of life.

    (And the big camera comment made me laugh - always worth it, no matter the eye rolling - haha)

    Thank you :)
    Jess

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    1. Jess: I told another mom (photographer, brandishes her Even Bigger Camera unapologetically at events) about my kid's eye rolling and she said with genuine confusion, "What's wrong with the big camera? Take those photos!!!" Always worth it, like you said. I may have felt self-conscious at times but I've NEVER looked at the final images and regretted bringing the big camera. Thank you for your kind words, and all the best as you navigate your own journey. There is a lot of good, even in the bittersweet.

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  14. The dress is beautiful. Your writing made me cry, as often. my daughter is just a year younger than Emily, so all that is coming, and reading you helps me! We talked last Spring, at a GTCYS concert, and I've been reading you for years, since those girls were toddlers, actually! Thank you.

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    1. Cecile, it made my day to have met you at the GTCYS concert! I LOVED talking with you so much. I looked for you at the last concert but there were so many people and it was so congested in the lobby and I was a coward and gave up. I'm so happy that your daughter is a senior this year. It is such a special year, and so many things solidify for them, it seems, whether it be friendship values, or courage, or plans for the immediate future. There is much uncertainty, but also so much positive excitement and hope. I hope your daughter is continuing with GTCYS, and that she is playing in the ensemble she'd hoped for. We won't have a kid there this coming school year, but hopefully next year!

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    2. Lier, I did look for you there as well! Yes, she will still be in GTCYS this year but unfortunately not in Symphony. She was looking forward to the trip whcih is where I grew up and where my family still lives. But, both my kids will be in Philharmonic, so playing with her brother will still be something new and special. I hope we cross paths again, or maybe we could just force it and have coffee or visit a fabric store or something!

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  15. Beautiful dress with a perfect fit of course! Emily looks so lovely. I made my daughter's dress too, although we are in South Africa so she is not done with school until November and it's Matric Dance, not Prom :) I did lots of hand sewing, mostly to bind inside seams because my brain can only handle the spacial challenge of figuring out bodices with linings and zips to a certain point. But it was actually lovely slowly stitching pink binding no one would ever see inside the dress just because I wanted it to be nice for her to put on. I've been reading your blog since before social media when our kiddies were all much littler and partly thanks to you I now have a thriving little business sewing things. I popped on here today to look up some bag series posts for some inspiration.

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    1. Kate: thank you for your kind words, and for sharing your own story from the other side of the world! I think hand-stitching is so meditative and calming. There are so many times when I've chosen to hand-sew something instead of running it off on the machine, and have never regretted it, ever (whereas I cannot count the number of times I've regretted machining something I wish I'd hand-stitched). And I'm so thrilled to hear about your small business! Brava!!!!

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  16. The dress is beyond beautiful. Such a lovely young lady. Wonderful memories for both of you. Blessings to all.

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