Friday, September 6, 2024

The Purple Prom Dress



Happy (late) summer! We had a jam-packed summer break, which I will recount later, but this week, the kids are settled into school (and uni), so I'm catching up on posts and such. Do people still write blogs these days? Or read them? Or is it all just tiktoks and instagram? I feel very behind the times, plodding away here on ikatbag. Maybe I'll try instagram sometime. Apparently I have an account, but I keep forgetting and people have to remind me. It seems rather out of character for me to just post pictures (let alone just one!) and not also write a novella accompanying them. But I get it - times have changed, and maybe people now only have the attention span of a flea, so perhaps byte-sized social media is the way to go.

See - this is what I mean: that first paragraph of nonsense prolog. I don't know if instagram and I can even be friends.

But let's talk about this purple prom dress already.

In May, Jenna went to prom. And needed a dress. The only things certain at the time were that it had to be purple and textured. There was the usual feeble concession of If We Can't Buy It I'll Sew It, which both Jenna and I knew really meant We Won't Be Able To Find What We Want In Stores So Let's Start Drafting Yesterday. I knew it would be work - it usually is, to take an idea in one's head and bring it to life - but experience has shown me that in each instance of handmaking an important garment, nobody regretted having chosen that over ready-to-wear.  And the reasons range from practical (it's a more efficient process than trying to buy - and return!- RTW), to emotional (there are limited school formals left to sew dresses for, sniff). 

Then I caught myself for that "but", as if I had to justify my choice. Let's take a quick tangent here to explain.

Some of you know that I've been in therapy and initially it was because Dad died unexpectedly some years ago and threw me for a loop. Since then it's evolved into an exploration of loss and what it means to be the sole immigrant from my family in this country, plus all the ways I'm becoming whole in the aftermath of both. One of the most useful concepts I've learned, not only through in-person therapy but also from books and podcasts containing the wisdom of others who've had these experiences before me, is the idea of "And also." 

Particularly for a person like myself who's been trained to think analytically and methodically, the idea of "And" initially was weird. We science-y sorts prefer "But". "But" brings with it demarcation and the clarity of contrast, which is important in precision: we define things as much by what they are as what they are not. To become whole after loss, though, involves integration and creation, a building up of parts that have meaning on their own but which are also so much stronger fitting together in congruent ways. 

Hence "And also".

For instance, I've learned that I can be Asian and also embrace Western American values, that I have robust family and friend support networks in Singapore and also in Minnesota, that I can have lost a parent and also have an emotionally denser and authentically meaningful relationship with the remaining parent, that my teenagers can be independent and also excited about close ties to their family.

And as those teenagers grow out of the house, hurtle toward graduation and becoming newer and fuller people through their college years, I can be sad about how fast those the child years have disappeared and also be 100% unafraid to experience all the manic milestones of both senior year HS and freshman college year: auditions, concerts, football games, swim meets, homecoming, prom, apartment move-ins, apartment move-outs, summer jobs, clothes acquiring and clothes donating. And also be excited about their future decisions and adventures. And also be apprehensive. And also ignorant. Bewildered. Confident. Thankful. Proud.  

Because we never know what the future will bring - and how it might even surprise us by its providence. 

Like that one day this past summer when Emily wanted to sew shorts. And we went shopping and drafted (traced from an old pair she loved, actually), and she made herself these: 


Did I see that coming during her senior year as she was packing up her stuff in her car and driving away to her new apartment? I did not. Could I have visualized her bringing that same stuff back to this house less than a year later, then spending the next three months just hanging out here with the cats, completing once more our table of five, working two (very fun and very in-character) jobs, as well as several craft fairs I got to help with, as if that move to college never happened, except it did, because she was now so much more poised and serene, and also deeper and brighter and braver? I couldn't have - my Graduation-Day brain, wallowing in the emotions of loss, had ultralow expectations; it certainly did not have the bandwidth to imagine that this change could be good, let alone this good. 

Fast forward to a year later, to Jenna and her dress. And to me weighing the pros and cons of Sewing vs Buying. I finally decided there didn't need to be a But, wherein I rationalized Why Homemade Was Ultimately Worth It. Instead, I thought, "Yes, it would be lunacy. And also I want to do it." No justification needed.

And that's where we are today - taking you through the process of this dress coming together. Because if you thought Emily's green prom dress was a lot of work (and I did, too, at the time), that definition was about to be completely revised with Jenna's purple one. 

First, as I'd mentioned earlier, was simply the framework that it had to be purple and textured. So we went shopping for fabric, and found this sheer lace with floral motifs along one edge. Right away, looking at it, we knew it would be the border detail for the skirt hem.


Then we found lavender satin for the underlay. The sheer layer on top provided the texture we were looking for.


Second came the sketch. This was the prototype. Jenna quickly vetoed the double straps and we simplified the design to single cross-straps.


Then I drafted the block and pattern. Each piece of the initial outer dress was two-layered: the satin with the sheer lace. The skirt had to be cut out first, to place and reserve the embroidered border design. The remaining clear sheer section was then used for the bodice.


Here are those two layers basted together. My mother had been right about hand-basting all this while: that it is indeed superior to pins, particularly in garment making. I remember teen LiEr hissing and grumbling each time I was made to hand-baste, begging instead to be allowed to just use pins, or press lines with the iron, or anything else, really, as a faster alternative. Hilariously and ironically, these days, I find myself choosing to hand-baste at the slightest opportunity. Oh, the wisdom of hindsight - and of those who knew better. 


Here's the bodice, with its still-visible hand-basted CF seam.


Up to this point, I did not consider this Work - the design was pretty straightforward, the pieces came together quickly and the fabric wasn't especially fiddly to work with. It took maybe a day, day and a half. After this, though, came the circus. Here is a shot of the plain bodice - the plan was to cut out lace motifs and stitch them onto the bodice to create texture that would complement the edge design on the skirt hem. I reminded myself that as I'd done something similar for Emily's green prom dress, this would be more of the same. I forgot, however, that with the green prom dress, the bodice was covered by whole lace fabric, with just additional motifs sewn onto the skirt and back. This purple dress was quite the opposite in that I had to create that whole-lace look myself.


Here is a shot of that bodice in progress. Each bit of lace had to be handstitched onto the main dress (and hand-basted before that!)


It was, as my kids say, sooooo extra. And naturally it ended up being a last-minute thing, although not from procrastinating; it simply just took this long. I sewed all day the day before prom, then on the morning of, I sat at my sewing table and stitched 6 hours non-stop. 


When Jenna's friends came over in their dresses to do their hair and makeup together, I was still sewing. 


And when we got to the park for the photoshoot, I was still pulling basting stitches out of the bodice. While the cameras were rolling, yes.




Which explains why there are many shots of the dress on Fleur, my mannequin, and not so many on Jenna, because there was no time to do a posed photoshoot of her in it before she threw it on and raced to the park to take photos with her friends. It was only days after prom that I put the dress on Fleur and got most of these pictures.

Here's the back.


And here is the full frontal shot


the bodice,


and that skirt hem.



That crazy embroidery wraps around the side


and to the back.


This is the full back view.


A couple of the very few full front solo shots of Jenna and one side-ish one.




One of her corsage, which Emily made


and one of her with Kate, who came to the photoshoot for "moral support and comedic relief", in her words.


More posts coming up soon. One is a project Emily has been working on, and another is an update on stuffed toys and such. And also I have thoughts to share on sending a first kid off to uni. See you again soon!




29 comments:

  1. Even though your blog writing has slowed down, I enjoy reading them every time you publish a blog. Thank you so much. You’ve encouraged me to keep working on and improving my quilting skills through the years. Congratulations on raising beautiful girls inside and out.

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    1. Thank you for encouraging me back to keep writing!

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  2. To answer your question - yours is the only blog I DO read. And I read it every time.

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    1. Harriet, thank you for letting me know - it means a lot to me!

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  3. I'll always prefer novellas to tiny snippets. Thanks for keeping up the tradition, LiEr!

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    1. You're welcome, and thank YOU for encouraging me to keep writing!

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  4. I still read blogs! And write them, occasionally. Instagram is fun but these days mostly reels not still photos, and it is hard to see what friends post on their feeds because of algorithm nonsense.

    Gorgeous dress. I can’t believe you got that lace done in a day. Tell Emily her corsage is beautiful, too.

    I tried drafting a pattern with Lily this fall (15) then got nervous and added too much ease so we need to take it in. But it is a fun project to work on with her.

    And now you have me thinking about how much I say but and how I should use and more.

    It’s lovely to see a post from you! I enjoy them.

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    1. Thanks, as always, MaryAnne, for visiting and sharing your thoughts! It still boggles my mind that our kids sort of grew up in that same generation as we blogged. Did you just send Emma off to college or is she the same age as Jenna and will graduate this year? I forget.

      When I was beginning to draft again after the very long hiatus (moving country, working full-time, etc), I added a lot of extra ease, too. And I second-guessed myself a lot. These days I'm trusting the numbers more. Although I will add much wider seam allowances than usual in areas where I think there might need to be a buffer as I tweak a muslin, for instance. So places like side seams and waistlines (for some reason, I can never accurately position my girls' waistlines in their dresses and when I take in/let out bust darts, for instance, I sometimes end up with a bodice that's too short. So the extra waistline SA is helpful.

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  5. Thank you for continuing to blog. I started following you ten or 12 years ago (don't remember). My girls had just left home (oldest graduated college and youngest decided to transfer to a university a few hours away and mother died suddenly) and it was a comfort to read your blog posts about cardboard creations, bags, dolls, pockets, and so much more. Jump ahead a few years and now there are kids in our life again (grandkids!). Being able to reference your posts from years ago has been so helpful! Cardboard is such wonderful stuff and the grandkids like it as much as I do. The prom dress is beautiful AND it has pockets!! The hand-stitched lace pieces on the bodice add so much to the dress. And, once again, I've so enjoyed reading about the process. Thank you for your posts!

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    1. Thank YOU for sharing your thoughts - I'm so glad that this blog has been a resource for you. I'm so sorry about your mom - losing a parent, and suddenly, and at a time when so many other major transitions were happening must have been compoundingly difficult. I am so happy that your world has been made fuller with new life in your grandchildren!

      Yes, the dress has pockets! That seems to be very important these days with kids and their phones!

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  6. 💚💚hacía mucho tiempo que no recibía tu newsletter y había olvidado lo mucho que me gustan y lo mucho que aprendo de la vida con tus historias😘

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    1. Muchas gracias! Yo ahora mismo estoy aprendiendo espanol; lo siento si mi palabras es dificil de enternder. Estoy muy feliz de que te gusta mi blog!

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  7. Like others, I read your blog every time. Instagram doesn't deserve you! ❤️ Thanks for continuing to share your life and journey and projects

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    1. Thank you! I plan to continue posting here (and also attempting instagram)!

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  8. I also enjoy reading your words.
    I refer back to a lot of your old posts and tutorials - particularly the bucket hat (every time I need to sew one, which is nearly every summer) and the pockets. Someday I might be brave enough to try following the drafting series...

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    1. I'm so happy to hear that my old tutorials are still being used! Be brave! Try drafting! It's not as daunting as it threatens to be.

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  9. I read every blog post. I keep some bookmarks of fav tutorials. I share tutorials with friends I am teaching. I will continue to enjoy your blog as long as you are willing to post it.

    And I cannot believe you put POCKETS on that dress and didn't point them out!! Nice! :)

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    1. Trish: I did put pockets in the dress, and I completely forgot to mention them, probably because they are practically a staple these days. The kids always had always asked for them, so I just take it for granted that they want me to include them in their formal dresses. I'm so moved to hear that my posts continue to be of value to you (and your friends)! Thank you for sharing them, and for blessing my heart by letting me know!

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  10. I love your posts, I am so happy whenever you write a novella! Instagram is not the same, blogs are better!
    I was so glad you wrote about Emily's dress while I was making Chiara's dress last spring. It helped a lot.
    Kate was with my son Lucas at All-State this summer, will she be in GTCYS this year? I missed you at the concert (the crowd was too big!).
    Please keep writing here, your blog is my favorite, has been for years!

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    1. Cecile, I've been thinking about you this summer, wondering about your oldest and if she's graduated already, and how you've been feeling about that. Also, re: All-State, perhaps you mean Jenna? She was there at camp this summer, yes. We drove to Moorhead to hear the bands play at that enormous middle school whose name I forgot. The jazz band especially was crazy-amazing. No, she didn't audition for GTCYS this year. She did the year before but decided not to play in the ensemble she qualified for. I'm going to send you an email - I think I might still have your address. Let's meet for coffee (or tea) sometime, since we're both here in the cities!

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  11. Beautiful dress - thanks for sharing!!

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  12. Been following your blog forever and I check in every few weeks. So glad you are back! I really appreciate the concept of "and also" I'm going to try to implement that. Love the dress!

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    1. Mary: "And also" has released me in many ways. I hope it helps you, too!

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  13. Sometimes when I feel sad or disoriented in my own life, I come back to see what you’ve written. I started peeking in because of the how-to content - but now I peek back in at long intervals to see another human learning how to be in the big strange wonderful world full of so much worth figuring out. And also. Thank you for writing.

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    1. Anonymous: Thank you for continuing to stop by even when I've been quiet here. You've encouraged me!

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  14. o wow how the girls have grown! Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us. The dress turned out gorgeous. My prom gown was lavender with lace overlay, a million yards of ruffles, and also made by my mom.

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    1. Kathy: how lovely your gown must have been! Thank you for reminding me that years down the road, my girls might remember their own dresses with that same fondness!

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  15. Blogs are such resources and, more, there are so many layers of wisdom that you pour into each post. I'm so thankful you take the time to do this for us!

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